A lot has been on my mind lately...
I type a lot faster than I can write so it is just easier to journal here. (You might want to skip down to "Being Pregnant Again")
I look back to last July when Gordon and I decided it was probably time to start trying again for another baby. Gordon is really good when it comes to this topic. He really just lets me take the lead and always says, "It's your body and you know what you can handle." I appreciate that he doesn't pressure me or try to tell me when I'm ready.
Gordon was just finishing up school, hurray! So we knew the job search was on and it was time to think about growing our family. We found out we were pregnant in September and excited for a Spring/Summer baby. I feel very blessed to be able to conceive quickly and know how hard it is for some of my friends. It can be a very sensitive subject...
In September we still hadn't found a permanent job and Gordon was doing side jobs and eventually we ended up pretty much moving out to Mud Lake with Gord's family to help on the farm and with jobs there. It was sooo much fun! We loved spending so much time with his family. Heck who wouldn't love not being required to cook and clean?! Gordon was like a little kid, getting to hunt and spend time with his brothers and nephews. Of course he tried to work as much as he could too :) I was in heaven spending most of my days in my sister-in-law's sewing room prepping projects for boutiques while Tydon played with his cousins.
I still had nail clients so I would go home each week to work a day or two and we still held a calling in our ward as the Activities Chair, so we would be there for ward activities. The hour and fifteen minute drive didn't seem like much after a while.
Gordon and I hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy and for some reason I wasn't really in a telling mood. Not even close friends. October was going to be a busy and exciting month. Tydon was turning two and we were probably going to tell our families the exciting news!
This pregnancy just seemed different to me though. I kept having thoughts of miscarriage or problems and just wasn't as excited or something. I couldn't figure out why I was being so negative. I would say my prayers and ask for comfort and guidance, but continued to have that stupor of thought.
I was about 6 weeks along when we headed home to get prepped for our Ward Dinner in a Pumpkin activity. We went home on a Sunday and played games with the Bradshaw's. That night I was kinda spotting, but knew it was normal for some women and didn't think much of it. The next morning I got up at 5:30 to go work out and knew I had miscarried. I was bleeding a lot, but it wasn't horrible so I decided to go and work out anyway. I didn't want to go get back in bed just to lay there and think about it.
After i got home from aerobics I took a hot bath and was relaxing in the tub when Gordon woke up. He could tell that something was wrong so I told him what had happened and he immediately dropped to his knees to talk to me about it. I have to say that I am married to my best friend and the most compassionate man I know. Gordon truly helps when I'm in need.
I was still in shock from everything that had happened. My previous negative thoughts and worry were now starting to make sense. I know that I had been prepared for this experience.
As the morning progressed I experienced some heavy cramping and bleeding. I needed to be getting things ready for our ward activity that evening and luckily Gordon took charge. He ran my errands for me while I was able to rest and let my body take its course.
Later that afternoon I was feeling better and able to get the things done I needed to. I was grateful that I had some obligations and didn't have much time to think about what had just happened. The activity was a success and it was good to be surrounded by friends and our great bishop. Gordon had an interview with him that evening and told him about our loss. I will never forget our bishops sweet words that night and the comfort I received.
The next day was a lot harder. My body was adjusting to the loss and my hormones really took control. I knew I just needed to let my body take its course. This made Gordon nervous. He doesn't like to see me cry and he didn't know what to do. I just told him that it was part of the process and I just needed some time. I was able to hold it together while I did nails, but grateful to just be home.
The next day Gordon had to go back to Mud Lake. I didn't want to be home alone so I decided to go with him. I was grateful to be surrounded by family even though they didnt' know what had happened.
I'm not really the communicator in the family and like to be tough sometimes so I didn't call my mom for a couple more days. We eventually told Gord's family and were grateful for everyone's compassion.
I'm grateful for this experience and for all that I learned. I can relate to other women who have experienced such loss. I know that Heavenly Father helped prepare me for this experience. My body was telling me that something just wasn't right and for that I'm grateful. It has also made me appreciate the miracle of pregnancy that much more.
Being pregnant this time has been very different. I've worried about the possibility of miscarriage again, but I know it's normal once you've endured such an experience. Last Sunday was Ward Conference and I was grateful for the words of our Stake President. He encouraged us to ask our husbands for a blessing, even if it has just been a bad day. The thought has come to mind several times, but it seems like a never follow through. I knew that this was an answer to my prayers and so I asked Gordon for a blessing.
I am so grateful for the priesthood and the opportunity to be married to a man who is worthy of that great power. I found so much comfort from the words spoken and know I'm being heard when I say my prayers.

Being pregnant again...

This pregnancy compared to Tydon's has been so different!
With Tydon, I was probably in the best shape of my life to start with...
I was going to Cosmetology school M-F 8-5pm, coaching 2 All-Star Cheerleading squads and cheering on 2 co-ed squads. I didn't get home until after 11pm some nights and felt great!! Life was crazy busy and I'm sure Gord felt like a bachelor again sometimes.
At this time in my pregnancy with Tydon I was at Cheerleading Nationals. I was tumbling, on the top of tripple high stunts and wearing a cheerleading uniform!! Crazy I know, but my doctor okayed it and just told me to be careful.

This time... I don't have a gym membership so I'm not nearly in the shape I once was. I think it has really made a difference for me. I've been extremely tired and happy if I showered for the day :) My accomplishment has been making dinner every night.
I haven't been sick, but VERY hungry. I feel like I've eaten more with this pregnancy than I did all of Tydon's.
I don't remember feeling Tydon move until probably 22 weeks...
This little man is busy! I'm sure it makes a difference having felt it before, but I really don't remember noticing anything until after I knew what I was having with Tydon.
I didn't show until sometime in June with Tydon, but I can feel the bump coming on pretty quick with this one.
Being in my second tri-mester has helped a ton. I finally have energy and don't need a nap everyday like before. I feel like I've been released from bed rest. ha ha I've found my motivation to get crafty again so I'll post some pics soon.

So far I think the biggest difference from Tydon to this pregnancy has not being as active as I once was. I know it helped me to be in pretty good shape starting out and staying very active throughout the pregnancy. I'm hoping the warm weather will encourage some more activity on my part.

All in all, doing good.
I'll post a pic at 20 weeks and by then I'm sure you'll see a bump :O)


Jeff & Ashlee Olsen & Family said...

Oh Chelsi, I'm sorry about your miscarriage. I had two before I had Preston and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It happens to a lot of women, and we don't talk about it much, so I appreciate you being brave enough to talk about it.

Judy said...

That is such a hard thing to go through. It really does make you appreciate it when it happens again and it is a healthy pregnancy. I am so glad you are feeling better, but I think the reason the first one is easy and we have more energy is because you don't have one to take care of. Taking care of a little one is exhausting by itself.....let alone being pregenant!!!!! It is sooooo worth it! Thanks for saring your story. I lost one between my girls, It is so hard. You are such an amazing person!!!!!!

Jarae said...

Wow you are such a tough mommy. When I was reading your post it made me tear up. You don't realize how much a miscarriage affects people until you have been pregnant yourself or already have children. I don't think I could have handled it as great as you did. Chels you are great and such a sweet person. I have just always loved you.

heather said...

Thank you for sharing something so personal with us all. I'm sorry that you had to go through that, but you are one tough woman. You still seem very positive about it all. You really are amazing!
Oh and I think you look great. I do remember your pregnancy with looked awesome but don't worry at least you are not going to gain 60 pound, like I did with Gabe. Yikes!
Okay I love ya and think you are amazing! Thanks again for sharing this.

The McLaughlan Trio said...

Oh Chels I never knew that, I am sorry. Isn't it amazing how Heavenly Father gives us the strength to get through such emotional times and what an amazing role he has given to us mothers! Thanks for sharing, must of been hard.
It's amazing how every pregnancy is different! I know my frist I was working out the first part of the pregnancy(until I got really sick) and this one I haven't been able to and I can feel it! It's definately harder when you have a 14 month old to chase every second! :)
I hope you are feeling better!
Take care!

Jared and Jami Hobbs said...

These experiences are always for our good. I am so happy that you are pregnant and that it is going well. I think your body just knows what to do so you feel it sooner and your show faster. I did! I hope you get more energy. I know what you mean about being tired. I could not ever understand that part either. Enjoy that baby in your belly, easier on the inside than out! haha. If you need anything don't hesitate to call! love ya!

Danny & Crystal said...

Thank you for sharing your experience. It helped to remind me that pregnancy really is such a miracle :) I'm glad that you have more energy now that your in the 2nd trimester! I'm excited to see your crafts!

Angie & Neal said...

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage. I had a scare early on in my pregnancy and it was the most heart wrenching experience. You are very strong and have great faith! Glad you were able to get prego again fast, that hopefully helped ease some pain. Glad this pregnancy is going well and I can't wait to see your baby bump!

Amanda and Brandon Jamison said...

It is a really difficult thing to go through, but it really does give you the opportunity to see what a miracle and blessing having a child is. I am SOO glad you were able to get pregnant again quickly, and it will make this baby's birth that much sweeter!

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